Learn in 10 minutes
how to make every conversation better.
More meaningful conversations
create deeper human Connections!
Conversation is at the Core of every human Connection.
Research shows that the more meaning a conversation has,
the stronger the connection is.
how good are you at conversations?
Test yourself now! (2 min.)
The Fingertip Method!
Learn 5 skills anchored to the tips of your fingers that will make every conversation more meaningful:
Each skill is connected to one of your
fingertips. This will make it easy for you
to remember each skill just by touching the
tip of a finger when you’re in a conversation.
INDEX FINGER: INQUIRy
BE INQUISITIVE (ASK MORE AND BETTER QUESTIONS)
Ask more questions:
Why? Questions inspire thinking in the other person, show interest, and make you interesting. The average person asks 2 questions in a 15-minute conversation. But great conversationalists ask 10 questions in the same time!
Ask better questions:
What kinds of questions are better? Open questions. Most people tend to ask closed questions that can be answered with a short Yes or No or with a single piece of information. This cuts conversations short and shrinks them. Instead ask questions that open the conversation, questions that start with “What” and “Tell me more about that”. The conversation will grow deeper and more interesting every time you ask an open question. For example instead of asking “How was your vacation?” ask “What were your favorite moments on your vacation?”.
Remember: Index finger is for Inquiry
MIDDLE FINGER: MUTE
MUTE YOURSELF VS. TALK
The other person is talking and you would like to say something. Instead of talking, first secretly tap your mute finger! What does this mean? It means listening a little longer than you normally would. Make sure the other person is done talking before you jump in. Why? Giving the other person the feeling of being listened to is one of the greatest contributions you can make to any conversation. Advanced tip: Especially when we feel we can give advice, the urge to talk is strong. More often than not, though, the other person just wants to share without receiving advice or suggestions. To let the other person feel listened to, mute your urge to talk for a moment longer.
Remember: Middle finger is for Mute
RING FINGER: ROOT
ROOT THE CONVersation (DEEPEN A TOPIC VS. BRANCH TO OTHER TOPICS)
Rooting is the unique skill of staying with a particular conversation topic for a few more questions rather than quickly branching off to different topics. Want to see it in action? Here are two classic examples:
Person 1 says: “I ate yesterday at this new restaurant called Betto and really liked it. The food was really unique.”
Branched response: “Cool, where is it?”
Rooted response (better): “Cool, what was unique about the food?”
Another example:
Person 1 says: “I’m glad it’s the weekend. It’s been a long week at work.”
Branched response: “Yes, TGIF! It’s going to be rainy this weekend, though.”
Rooted response (better): “Yes, TGIF! What’s been happening at work?”
Remember: Ring finger is for Root
PINKY: PLAYBACK
PLAYBACK WHAT YOU HEAR
When we study great conversationalists, we see that they often have a skill of making the other person feel heard not only by muting for a few moments longer, but also by playing back some of the key words that person said. Why? Playing back shows we are truly listening and integrating what they said. It creates resonance between two people, like good music.
Remember: Pinky is for Playback
THUMB: THUMBS-UP
GIVE A ‘THUMBS UP’ (SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT WHAT you hear)
Look for things you like and enjoy in the conversation and give them a thumbs-up by saying that you like them. That way you create positivity in conversations which always feels connecting and warm and can be especially beneficial if there is any tension. For example, one could say “What I especially like about what you are saying is that …”. This will create trust and openness in any conversation and also provide you with credit for more difficult conversations.
Remember: Thumb is for Thumbs-up
OPEN HAND: OPENNESS (YEP, THE WHOLE HAND!)
OPEN YOUR HAND AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH
When a conversation feels off or gets tense, remind yourself to be in the conversation with an open hand - to be in the conversation with positive intentions and to create warmth, joy, connection, and to learn from one another. Taking a deep breath or two when you feel uneasy calms an area of the brain called the amygdala. It will re-set you and bring you back to your positive intentions.
Remember: Open hand is for Openness and breathing
Pro Tip:
When in a conversation, touch your fingertips (and open your hand) to remind yourself to use each of the skills.
Make Good Conversation a habit
it takes about a month to create a new habit. We recommend that you Set up a daily “Fingertips” reminder on your phone to keep Practicing these skills!
Share this page to bring more meaningful conversations into the world:
www.TheTalkLab.org